I have to laugh

The title of this page is "life is for living, if you're not having fun you're not doing it right".  Well, I certainly haven't been doing it right!

The last 5 years haven't been fun...  they've been freaking hard work & whist there have been moments of fun and enjoyment the majority has been the opposite, mainly resentment (at no one in particular) and feeling trapped.  I certainly wasn't cut out for motherhood.  Not to be confused for being a good mum cause, I'm a great mum and would do anything for my kids & love them to bits.  There just seems to be no space for me in the equation and the whole 'motherhood / wife / domestic goddess thing does my head in.

Well, I think we finally figured out how to do it, life, the right way :)  I feel the best I've felt in years, I have a sense of space and freedom I don't remember having had (it was just taken for granted before kids I think) & I feel happy.  Something I've felt in passing over the last few years but it's different, right now I almost feel content.

Our family of 5 moved to South Korea for hubbys work 8 months ago & we decided that once we moved that we were going to hire a live in helper.  My lack of contentment with my lot in life has been no secret.

We started the process in November when we met Abby and had her come for a 1 week trial whilst she was on a holiday visa here in Korea.  She had to go back to the Phillipines so we could start the working visa process, it's now mid March, and Abby arrived a week ago.

I feel human again.  We're working as a team.  There is no pressure.  If I need to do something, run an errand, drop Rich at school, take the kids to playgroup whatever it is that needs doing she picks up the slack, or vice versa. She's said to me "this isn't a hard job"  & I've said to her "you don't realise how much easier you make my life".  I thought I would feel guilty having a helper (I can't call her a maid or a nanny because that's not her role, she just 'helps')  but I don't.  She's now a part of our family and we all have our part to play.

Along with once again feeling human and starting to feel like myself again I feel very very lucky to have Abby & to have a husband that 'gets' it.

:) :) :) :) :) xox

Seven Years

It's hard to believe it's been 7, yes SEVEN, years since I last wrote on this page.  There is no way that I could have predicted then, how my life would be now.

Reading back on my past posts I feel like I am now a completely different person.  Well I suppose, in a lot of ways I am...

Firstly, I feel old.  Not old as in mature, just old as in tired, worn out & weary.

The last 4 years have been eye opening and the last 14months have been the hardest of my life.

I'd always wanted 'A' child maybe 2 at a push.  In June 2008 we (backtrack - several months after my last post I met my husband to be), so as I was saying, we had or beautiful son in Singapore.  Then after deciding it would be the right thing to do, to have another child, a playmate for out son and my husband wanted 4 kids, so I thought a compromise was in order - so we started trying for 1 (ONE) more child.

We have a almost 4 year old son AND 14 month old twins.  Yes TWINS.  A little boy & a little girl and they're lovely and I wouldn't change the fact that we have them but I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy.  I really don't remember a lot about the last year, it's a sleep deprived blur.

Speaking of which I need to head to bed.

7years, wow...

This is it - My last post on this page....

It's actually quite sad but I suppose its something that needs to happen. At this point in my life I don't feel the need to write about my life on line anymore - not that anything of interest is really occurring, well actually there are a few things that I should update on before I sign off for good.

1) I'm still loving where I live. The guys are great except I'm lusting after my newest flatmate who moved in last Saturday - he's hot but has a girlfriend... Oh well, such is life.

2) I started my course on Monday, it's very full on. So much to learn but I'm quite confidant that I'll be fine. The 3 days a week are long & full on but at least at the end of it I'll be a remedial therapist.

3) I've been offered a job - that I've accepted. Not sure on start dates & things but I'll be doing 2, 12 hour shifts per week as telephone support for a travel insurance company. i.e people stuck over the other side of the world call in & you give them advice & sort out their problems etc. Should be interesting, plus the pays great.

4) Still no sign of romance in my life & honestly, I don't think there's going to be much room for it in the next year. Such is life :)

That about brings me upto date.

The last year of my life has been an experience & I wouldn't change the last 2 years for anything. I've learnt so much, not only about me, but about life, the world & that people are people. The care factor of what people think of me has become something so very unimportant. Who would have thought that I could go a whole day with out fixing my make up, or wearing scruffy clothes & not actually caring. I thought all of that would change as soon as I got home but it hasn't.

It hasn't been so scary being home, it's had it's down points & I've felt the urge to run away a few times but have stuck it out. I can do this, the whole proper life thing. I can handle been it.

Oh & one last piece of news that I just received - my ex & his wife had their baby last night.

Isn't it funny how life takes so many twists & turns. I spose the key factor is to trust that things will work out how they are supposed to, cause, you know, they always do. My lap tops about to die... Gotta go.

Thanks for reading. Love & hugs!

I'm home!

Sorry that should read: I have a home! I moved in on Saturday & I'm so happy here. My flat mates are pretty cool too, which is always a good thing – so far so good. I'm in a central location, about 10 or 15 minutes walk form most things. I just wanted to do a quick update. I'm off to find some silver paint to so I can paint my stand alone wardrobe stand thingy cause I don't like it black :o)

Now I've found some where to live the whole finding a job thing is hanging over my head… I went for an interview on Friday; don't know if I want it though… Spose only time will tell… I had to do a competency test & if you've been reading this page for a while you'll realize that I can't actually spell (to spell competency it took me 2 guesses & spell check!). Oh well, such is life.

My course starts next Monday… Life feels like it's starting again…
x

I've found somewhere to live!

Yesterday was a good day :o) Not only did I find somewhere to live, I had a call for one of the jobs I applied for & I've got a job interview lined up for tomorrow. I also finally managed to pick out some new glasses. Who would have known it's so hard to find frames! Usually I don't have that much trouble, but it seems that really wide frames are 'in' at the moment & they look stupid on me. Thankfully Mum & Eve helped out & I managed to get a pair that I really like.

Now on to the hassle of trying to move... Lots of fun :o)

xox

Nothing!!!

Guess what!? Found out last night that my ex got married! And I don't feel anything! I don't care! I thought there'd be some twinge of something but nothing! Oh, not true maybe I feel a little sorry for him, the divorce was finalised in July - as if one failed marriage isn't enough, spose he has his own lessons to learn.

I've had some of the most random nights that have been fantastic & have involved me not getting to sleep before 5am for the last 2 nights... Anyway gotta go. R looking at more flats today. Wish me luck! x

AGAIN!!!

What the hell is with this guy?!! My ex has looked ay my birthday photos, yet again, that makes it the 4th or 5th time... Psycho!

Not much to report on... Still no home, still no job. Did have a awesome day at the beach today are however a little sun burnt...